Am I a Hypocrite?

 Hypocrite, a person who pretends to have moral standards or opinions which he/she does not really have.

I am quite lost. This new thought that I might be a hypocrite is quite bothersome. I mean, I had to go all the way back to my belief system. And I realized that I do not choose my words according to my belief system. I do not act accordingly, I do not have a habit that follows the same. 

My belief system is build on years of studying in different schooling systems. Everywhere I went, only one thing was consistent. That mother earth helped me in most dire moments. Be it a moment alone with the nature, being physically sick, in need of shelter or just the plane fact that the earth literally made me feel grounded and the sky gave a me positive attitude, that I should aim for the sky. All the simile in my life has been built around how earth has provided me with this life and only earth can take that away. 

Then, why do I not act upon it. I think, it is because I have never seen someone say the same feelings. And there is a possibility, that I  myself hold a prejudice against people who do behave this way. I just said in my mind that I might be a hobo, and then had to go look up for the exact meaning of hobo. 

Which is: a homeless person, a tramp or a vagrant. 

Now, homeless, I am not, and tramp implies that I move around a lot, which I do. And Vagrant means that I might take money from people a lot. Which I also do. 

So, now I am more confused, am I a hypocrite or just a growing child?

Is it advisable to say in my next interview, " Oh I want to earn money, so that I can take care of mother earth?" or Should I start my day with a prayer to Dharti Maa? 

Do I go around planting trees? Do I cut down on things that are harming the earth? Does that mean that everytime I order from blinkit is a severe crime? with all the paper bags? Or should I go out of my way to make people aware of how lovely the mother earth is? 

And where does my degree in cinema fit into all of this? Do I start introducing myself as Environmentalist? Is there anything related to that in Cinema?

And even if I do figure out how to follow my  moral path. How will I earn money for myself, my environmentalist activities, and my family? Do I get a BPO job and see how it goes? 

Do I make my own green cinema? A documentary? 

And that is just the beginning, I am so dicey on female rights because I think that the lack of female rights is because males have been under this pressure of responsibility and women, quite frankly, have been bored out of their minds and would love some responsibilities for a change. 

I have also though about men being scumbags because that toxic masculinity was fueled by women. For ex. my husband will beat the shit out of you. I mean, no one ever said that they should discuss it out. 

Its a rat race of power in either direction. 

Then there is LGBTQ+, I am a gender-fluid and bisexual. And that brings me so much of peace, whenever I am attracted to male and females, whenever I feel masculine or feminine. 

It is definitely better than thinking that I am doing something bad. Because do I have the intention of harming anyone? NO, Do I have the intention of forcing myself on someone? NO. 

Then having this categorization actually helps me a lot. But does this thing have a place in my belief system. I DON'T KNOW. 

 

I know, all the confusion comes because this is uncharted territory. This era is full of winners, yes. But that also means that I have a lot of confusion on whether I am doing this right or not. But the thing is there is actually no one who I can follow. Who I can learn from. 

Do I start announcing myself everywhere I go? Do I make a club? Do I ask people to band together for the environment, children and LGBTQ members? 

Honestly saying that I have come to conclusion, that I am not a hypocrite. 

I am just a growing child.